103 Reasons to Hate Me
by tt22123
Summary: Gabriel finds out about Sam's past with self harm. Sabriel ensued, or did it? Mention of Destiel TW: Self Harm I do not own Supernatural, nor the characters within.


"Sammy, these scars, why would you do that to yourself?" Gabriel and Sam had just revealed how they really felt about one another and things were moving fast as they both lost all of their clothes. The moment was lost however when Gabriel saw the clear tally mark scars that covered the hunter's upper arms and stomach. The comment making Sam pick up his shirt and put it back on to cover himself once more. To hide himself from judgement.

"It's every time I failed Dean."

"What do you mean?"

"It the number of times that I was unable to save him.

"Do you mean-"

"It's the number of times Dean died. 110 times, 110 scars, the math is really quite simple."

"But that means- I caused this. I killed Dean dozens of times, just for fun."

"103 times." Gabriel's eyes widened, snapping his fingers to put his mislaid clothing back on. He stood and moved to the door, refusing to turn and look at Sam.

"I'm sorry Sam." With these words, and a gentle flutter of wings, the angel was gone and Sam was all alone again, his room in the bunker seeming somehow empty without the archangel next to him. The door was already locked from earlier, when they were making sure that Dean didn't walk in on them, so Sam just moved over to his bed and fell down upon the covers. Sam was not one for showing his emotions anymore but this time he couldn't hold them in, he had told the man he loved how he felt, and found out those feelings were returned, and then the man had left him alone at the first hurdle.

The tears were freely flowing down his cheeks as Sam sobbed. The rooms of the bunker were soundproof so when Sam didn't appear for dinner, or breakfast the following day, Dean just assumed that he and Gabriel were busy, when he didn't appear for lunnch either he was more worried but the archangel had power to rival God so he would be able to summon them both food.

Sam, however, didn't care about the food, he knew that he was acting like a lovesick teenage girl but it didn't matter to him. The young hunter had continued to cry until he passed out from exhaustion, and even then he was plagued by nightmares of being left alone. When he finally woke up it was once again dark and the tears began again as e prayed for the archangel to listen to him, to hear what he had to say.

"Gabe- Gabriel, I'm begging you, please come back, please. I don't care about what you did or did not do in the past. I love you no matter what, just don't leave me alone." Of course there was no answer from the archangel.

It soon got to the point where Dean asked Cas for his help. As soon as Cas reported that he could not sense his brother within the state, let alone the bunker Dean got even more worried and asked the angel to go in to his brother's room and find out what it was that was going on with the boy. When Cas went into the room he spotted Sam curled around his pillow crying and instantly walked over towards the hunter. Sam felt as the bed dipped under the weight of somebody sitting down, he knew that the door hadn't opened which left it being Castiel or Gabriel, hoping for the latter but knowing that it would be the former.

"What is wrong Sam?"

"Nothing."

"You know that I was merely asking our of courtesy, I do not need you to actually tell me, I can read your mind."

"I know, but I'd rather you didn't."

"He'll come back Sam."

"How can you be so sure Cas?"

"Because he's my brother, that's why. He's just feeling guilty at the moment, for killing Dean and therefore hurting you. You know there are other ways of keeping a tally without using a knife."

"Please don't tell Dee."

"He should know."

"But it won't happen unless I fail him again, unless he dies, so there is no reason that he should know."

"Wouldn't you want to know if it were him?"

"Of course but-"

"So why is it any different for you? He's worried about you Sam."

"He shouldn't be, I'm fine."

"You say that you're fine but I can tell that you are falling apart inside. He does love you Sam, really he does, and he will be back, I promise. Now, what do you say we go out of here and see Dean, calm him down a little."

"I leave this room when Gabe comes back since you're so sure that he will."

"Sam-"

"No Cas, you believe he will return, I believe in you, I'll leave this room when it happens."

"So be it." As usual with Cas, there was no goodbye, he simply vanished with a flutter of wings and Sam curled back around his pillow while Cas returned to Dean.

"He's fine, or he will be when I next see him. He's upset, and rightfully so, but I will fix that. He just wants to be left alone for a while. I'm going to go now but I will be back once I have sorted out this thing with Sam." Once again Cas disappeared, Dean wanted to go in to see his brother, especially if he was upset, but if what Cas said was right he wouldn't be helping Sammy by doing so he left his brother alone, regretfully, and walked into the main room of the bunker, meanwhile Cas appeared in Gabriel's apartment.

"Why did you leave him Gabriel?"

"Why did I- do you know about the scars Cas, the tally?"

"Yes, I do. What about it?"

"It's me, my fault."

"How do you see that as being the case?"

"The tally is for everytime that Dean has died. Don't you see, the tally reaches 110, 103 of those were me Cas. 103 scars on Sam's count of 'failures' were because of me , finding it fun to kill Dean to make a point."

"Yes they were, and?"

"HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THIS CAS? IT'S MY FAULT."

"I don't understand why you are making such a big deal out of it. Don't do it again and there won't be an issue."

"Cas it is already an issue. The deed is done already."

"And yet you are the only one who sees it that way. Sam has forgiven you for it obviously. How can you find an issue with his scars when he does not? He told you he loved you and you ran out on him. You have no idea how much he is hurting right now because you left. I felt it brother, he is hurting more now than any of those cuts ever did. You want to pay for hurting him in the ppast and yet you are doing it again to him now. Go to him."

"I can't brother. I will only hurt him more if I do."

"You will hurt him more if you do not go to him. He is refusing to leave his room until you return. I can only pray that you do not take too long Gabriel." A flash of grace marked Castiel leaving his apartment and Gabriel thought over what it was that he was told before going to the bunker to visit his hunter, finding him asleep once more above the covers, fresh tear tracks on his cheeks.

"Oh Sammy, I'm sorry," the archangel whispered as he led on the bed next to the hunter, wrapping him up in his arms, despite their differences in height, relishing in the way that even in his sleep the hunter took comfort in his presence. Snuggling closer to the angel as he dreamt.

With Dean: Castiel returned to the war room in the bunker and appeared right in front of Dean, causing the man to start.

"Shit Cas. Give a guy some warning."

"I apologise Dean."

"Is Sammy okay?"

"I've done as much as I can do, he will be fine, that much I know."

"How do you know though? When we he come out?"

"I told you that I would come back when I had sorted out what was wrong with Sam. Gabriel has just arrived in the room with him, Sam will be out soon enough, once he and Gabriel have spoken, although Sam is currently asleep."

"Why do they have to talk first? Did Gabriel do somethng to hurt Sammy? I'll kill that son of a bitch."

"Dean!"

"I'm sorry Cas, I know that you are his brother but Sammy is mine, I will kill anyone who hurts my baby brother."

"Dean Winchester! Gabriel has not hurt your brother, you WILL leave him alone."

"I get all tingly when you act like that." Dean surged forward and sealed their lips together since they were alone and the other two were otherwise distracted as well.

When Sam woke up he could feel a comfortable warmth around him and he shifted closer without opening his eyes, not wanting the moment to end by waking up fully and finding himself alone. When the warmth began to move, Sam bolted upright while his eyes automatically began to scan for thing that might be attacking him but only finding Gabriel.

"What- what are you doing here Gabe?"

"I love you Samsquatch. I had to come back."

"If you love me then why did you leave?"

"I hurt you Sammy."

"No, you didn't, I hurt me. You left me."

"Yes, I did leave you, and I'm sorry for that but I'll be here from now on. I'm not going anywhere Sammitch."

"I love you Gabe."

"I know, I love you too Sam. Now, what do ya say we pick up where we left off?" With these words Gabe pressed a kiss to Sam's lips, claiming them as his own. As soon as Sam responded to the kiss the two men slowly began to rid each other of clothing however Sam stopped the archangel when he tried to take off Sam's undershirt.

"Sammy?"

"Don't."

"Why not?"

"I don't want you to run away again."

"Oh Sammy, I won't run away again, I'm here to stay, please let me." Sam relented but refused to look at Gabriel once the shirt was removed, looking away in shame as the archangel looked over the damage mainly caused by him.

"Say something?" Sam whispered in plea as Gabriel looked at his stomach with guilt.

"I'm sorry." A kiss was placed to one of the tally's on Sam's shoulder. "I'm here." A gentle bite slightly lower. "I love you" A solid press of a tongue along a third tally. Gabriel continued this pattern until he had covered each and every one of the scars that made up Sam's tally. Silent tears slid down Sammy's face as the man continued his ministrations. "I love you Sam Winchester." A final burning kiss was pressed against Sam's lips once more and the hunter finally, truly, believed that perhaps what the angel said was true. That he loved Sam and that he wouldn't leave him. Just perhaps.


End file.
